A Word from The Counselor: When to Use the Phrase “Haters Gonna Hate.”

Haters gonna hate.  This saying is a double-edged sword; it is useful but also dangerous.  It can be encouraging yet enabling of problematic behavior. It is, then, important to explain when to use the saying and when not to.  So here are a few suggestions.

USE IT when you are pursuing an interest or hobby that others do not approve of.

DON’T USE IT when that hobby or interest involves harming others.

USE IT when you achieve success but others unhappy about it.

DON’T USE IT if you have been openly bragging about your success.

USE IT when you have been acting with moral respectability and people think you are a goodie two-shoes.

DON’T USE IT if you break rules/laws or act rude and surly.

In all of the instances where I have suggested you use the phrase, a sense of empowerment can be derived.  When you are acting respectably, achieving your own goals, and pursuing your own interests without otherwise hurting anyone in the process, you can tell yourself “haters going to hate” as a reminder to yourself that even when you are doing everything you should some people are just not going to like it and that that is okay.  You do not need their approval.  They are just “hating” out of jealousy or envy or just have some odd personal hang-up with what you are doing that they cannot get over.  

However, if you are acting in a way that is intentionally harmful to others and you use the phrase, you may need to face facts that you are trying to excuse unacceptable behavior.  In this way it functions as a cover-up to allow you to ignore the effects of your actions.

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